People will only do to you what you allow them to do. There is a such thing as RESPECT!
It took me a long time to realize this. I used to wonder why people treated me the way they did. “Why are they so mean to me?” After looking at how they treated other people better than how they treated me…I started to notice that the problem was me…mot them.
I have always been taught not to make a scene. Be as polite as possible, say please, thank you, and always keep a smile on your face (it’s a southern thing!). But what I didn’t notice at the time was that my pleasant southern charm was turning me into a push over. It hit me about 6 years ago when my husband and I went to McDonald. I order a burger, extra onions (again, its a southern thing) extra mustard and no pickles. We received our order and began to head home. In the car, as I unwrapped my sandwich, I noticed that my order was wrong! I was a little disgusted as I told my husband how they screwed up order, but I continued to eat it anyways. My husband looked at me as I began to take the first bite “No! Take it back! If that’s not what you ordered take it back and demand that it be corrected!” He quickly turned into the nearest driveway to turn around. “You should always get what you paid for!” He shouted as he whipped the vehicle around heading back to the McDonald’s.
I was to ashamed to go in and request that my order be fixed. My husband on the other hand, being a New Yorker and all, had no hesitations doing it for me. As I sat in the car, I realized that I was the reason people treated me so badly. I didn’t use my voice! I started to review some of the times in which I allowed people to mistreat and use me. I many cases, it started out as me overlooking a “mistake” or unkind words from someone. That entailed gave them permission to talk to me and treat me as they wished. It was kind of like I said to them “Come on, throw dirt in my face…I’ll just walk home and wash it off!” As I watched my husband through the windows of the restaurant, I noticed that he was calm and respectable while handling the issue. He walked back to the car and handed my the bag with my sandwich neatly tucked inside. I unwrapped it and checked its contents. “Is it correct?” He asked before backing out of the parking space. “Yes. It’s correct.” We drove off to enjoy the rest of our evening.
After that incident, I began working on how to be assertive without being an asshole! I found that humor and kindness goes a long way when you are trying to get a point across. I no longer have issues when it comes to the treatment of ME! If I don’t like something, I will tell you, and I won’t be an ass about it either. Once I started using my voice, I noticed that my circle of friends began to get smaller. Their reason for dropping off was “they didn’t like the new me.” Typical!
So..the moral of this story is that people WILL only do what you allow them to do. Don’t blame others for the mistreatment of YOU. You have the power to correct their behaviors or either rid them of your presence all together. In many cases, they may not know the effect that their word or behaviors have on you. TELL THEM! They might just change how they approach you. If they truly value the relationship they have with you they will! Regardless, never put your feeling on the back burner for anyone! You are a wonderful person that deserves to be treated as such!
Ms. VeeAllVa